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When Is The Best Time To Move Your Children?
Companies are relocating more employees today than at any time in history. In
fact, in many of the nation's firms, new employees begin their careers with the
understanding -- either explicit or implied -- that they could at some point in
the future be asked to relocate.
In today's competitive corporate environment, as top companies vie for prospective
applicants with the high-tech skills they demand, corporations have determined
that dangling certain benefits are necessary in order to sweeten the pot, so to
speak. Companies have moved beyond merely paying the moving expenses of new hires
and current employees relocating to another branch office. Recognizing the national
movement to strike a balance between work and family, employers are helping the
spouses of transferring employees find jobs, helping their children locate quality
education, and offering other benefits to help ease the transition and keep employees'
job satisfaction at a high level.
While helping children find good schools is an important part of the relocation
process, the last-minute nature of many transfers makes it difficult to analyze
the emotional needs of children. Stress begins as soon as the transfer is accepted.
In most cases, the transferring employee sets up camp in the family's new hometown
and the rest of the family moves later, usually because parents want their children
to complete the current school year rather than uproot them mid-year. This obviously
creates stress on the spouse left behind and on children, particularly if they're
young.
Some relocation specialists are beginning to doubt the importance of waiting until
summertime to embark on a move. First of all, summer vacation has become shorter
in recent years. Within many school districts, you'll find a push towards year-round
education -- in other words, a move away from the nine-month academic year followed
by a three-month summer break. Educators are arguing the merits of shorter, more
frequent breaks throughout the year instead of a lengthy summer break. This shortens
the window of available break time in which families may move.
In addition, when families relocate during the summertime, they often find that
other families in their new neighborhoods are traveling. That reduces opportunities
for children to meet new friends in their new neighborhoods. Subsequently, they
have time on their hands and are likely to become bored and/or apprehensive about
the move.
Families who relocate during the summer and plan to immediately enroll their children
in summer activities and/or summer camp are often disappointed to find that these
activities are already filled. Registration for these activities often takes place
in the spring. The same goes for many sports teams and academic and music organizations
offered by schools. Students often "try out" before the school year
ends in order to be considered for membership in the fall.
It's often a good idea to plunge your children into activity upon arrival in your
new hometown -- in other words, don't give them the opportunity to become lonely.
Moving your children mid-school year means they're immediately introduced to other
children their own age and presented with numerous opportunities for academic
organization membership, sports teams, and overall familiarization with their
new hometowns. Being the "new kid on the block" is more likely to be
a novelty in the classroom -- a positive point of difference that attracts other
children to your own child, as opposed to an empty neighborhood in the summertime.
As children mature and become high-schoolers, they're more likely to introduce
themselves to the new student in the class, to offer to take them to lunch, introduce
them to their circle of friends, etc.
Many child psychologists say that children between the ages of about 5 and 10
are the least affected by a move. Children of this age range don't look outside
their families for validation and support as much as teens. Parents of children
between 5 and 10 should concentrate on doing more of the same -- offering emotional
support, talking with their children about any concerns they have, and spending
a little extra time with them, despite all of the pressures of the impending move.
If you are moving during the summer months, find out if your child's new school
offers an orientation. One of the best ways to dispel apprehension is to instill
familiarity -- with the building layout, classrooms, your child's new teacher,
and so on. If it's possible, seek out an individual (such as a guidance counselor)
who's willing to take your child under his or her wing for a couple of weeks and
help your child locate the extracurricular activities that capitalize on personal
strengths and facilitate friendships.
Teens are trickier. This is the age, of course, when children are attempting to
separate themselves from their parents and establish self-identity. Their friends
are a significant source of emotional support for them. So uprooting them is more
traumatic. On the other hand, teens who successfully handle the stresses of a
move are likely to experience a boost in their self-esteem and sense of competency
as a result. Considering the challenges ahead -- college and adulthood -- this
is good real-life experience. In fact, teens who have met the challenges of a
relocation are often more successful in their attempt to handle the emotional
stresses of moving to college for the first time.
Nevertheless, your teen is likely to be feeling apprehensive about your relocation.
A parent's best strategy, according to child psychologists, is often just to listen.
Ask your teen what he or she feels. If you can, tell your teen about a similar
time in your life. Did your own family go through a move when you were young?
How did you feel? What kinds of coping strategies did you use? And to validate
your child's fears, this is an excellent time to set up an e-mail account for
your child so that he or she may continue to communicate with friends in your
former hometown (and even chat with a group of friends in real time) at minimal
cost.
Try to bring out the positive aspects of the move (an adventure, a chance to meet
new and interesting people, see a new part of the country and expand horizons),
and strongly encourage (but don't pressure) your child to get involved in extracurricular
activities in your new hometown.
While it's inevitable that you'll always find pros and cons with every move, it's
quite possible that a mid-year move is the best move for your family. And consider
this: moving during the holiday season (November, December, January) often means
you'll pay a lower price for a home. Homes often command higher prices during
the summer months. |
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